When I got home from work today there was a pile of crap waiting for me at my door. Not literally of course - but I walked into my apartment and was immediately hit with a huge life problem that I have been though before and I know that it's going to be an uphill battle to get through it.
After getting home today I literally felt hopeless, helpless, lonely and felt as if this problem is way over my head. This was a serious blow to myself and I felt like life's crap had won and that I should just give up - after all this is all much bigger than me. So, immediately I crossed going to the gym off my list of things to do and prepared for the stress and worry that has now entered my life. In an attempt to calm myself down, I went for a drive - a 1 hour drive - and for the first 30 minutes I repeated aloud "I need help, I need help ..." over and over again, allowing my thoughts to fester in the fact that this issue is about to consume and hinder my life.
When I got back from my little car ride it was about 9pm (I had no appetite and skipped dinner) and I sat down, worrying some more and then a sudden change of attitude hit me. Suddenly I decided that if I have learned anything over the last two months - it is that I am in the drivers seat of my life and that I have the power not to just react to life's stupid situations - but to take control of them. After all I was the one who made the choice to get fit and healthy and I was the one who lost 30 pounds in the last two months among many other life accomplishments. Yes, this issue may be over my head - but maybe it's not. I have come too far to let a stupid pile of life crap stink up my life and I will not allow it to hinder my success and everything I have worked so hard for (even beyond that of weight loss). So, at 9:15pm, I filled up my water bottle, got into my lululemon pants and went to the gym - just to spit in lifes face and say, "give it all you got - because I will not let this break me - I am better than this!".
I ended up being at the gym for 50 minutes - 10 minutes short of my usual 1 hour cardio workout and it felt good. I worked out all my anger and in the last 20 minutes of the workout while on the treadmill began to devise a plan on how I am going to tackle this pile of crap life has thrown at my doorstep and take control. This will not defeat me!
Good for you Lisa! What a great attitude and way to not let life derail your progress :)
ReplyDeleteGood luck with whatever it is you are dealing with, I hope everything works out okay for you!
Thank you for your comments on my blog, it's really something for me to think about. Sometimes I think my hesitation to move back into the "other room" (our old room) is me making the choice to be alone. *shrug* When did like get so complicated. I must say it looks as though you handle stress a lot better then I do! You sound 100% in control!
ReplyDeleteThat sounds stressful. Hope everything work out but it sounds like you've got the right mind set and ready to do what you need to do.
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