Today I have felt rather down about myself. A good friend of mine announced that she is purchasing a house - not a condo or even a townhouse - a real house. Although I am happy for her, I am feeling like I have nothing going for me, that my life is at a standstill. I feel as though I have no goals and am simply just doing the day to day tasks with no real long-term plan.
After a LONG day of thinking, I realized that my friends and I are in different places in life and have been handed different circumstances to deal with and react to than me. This made me feel even worse because I feel like I haven't really been working towards anything, I'm not starting a family, buying a house, and haven't even been officially accepted into the Master's program at my school yet. The only thing I really have going for me is my excellent job.
So, in light of this, I am going to spend the next month or so making a long-term plan for myself. Specifically write down what I want to accomplish and make sure that I do this on a continual basis. When I have no goals I get sad and lonley and this, as I have recently noticed, makes me want to eat. Eating is a comfort for this particlar sadness that litters my brain now and again. So, the positive thing here is that I have recognized that me being a martyr face, sobbing around my apartment feeling sorry for myself makes me sad which makes me crave food (and my binge-eating self emerges). Luckly, I was able to control myself today, but I do need to fix this on a long-term basis.
So far my goals are:
1.) Get Healhy! Lose weight and eventually run a marathon (ha!)
2.) Finish up a Master's Proram
Lastly, tonight at the gym I weighed in at 214! Sunday nights are my standard weigh in times, so I'm sticking to it - but what the heck - yesterday I weighed 212 when I stepped on the scale at the gym. The scale really kicked me in the arse. This just means that this week I have to give it all I got at the gym (except on Wednesday when I have a date with some girlfriends). AND, I am going to return to eating salads again for dinner this week. Next Sunday, my blog post will be titled a number lower than 210... even if it kills me!
Lisa I'm sorry to hear that you were feeling down about things last night -- that is never a good feeling, and is definitely a food-inducing emotion for me to.
ReplyDeleteYou are right, you and your friends can be at different stages in your life and be doing very different things. Doesn't make anyone's "things" more right than the others, just different. My best friend just bought a brand new condo, and I am definitely still living at home with my parents lol. At first it made me think that I was behind the times but then I realized what her reason for leaving home was and I knew that if my reason was the same I would be out too.
I think your long term goals are fabulous! Getting healthy is far from an easy task and is something that I know I will have to work at. A marathon is within reach -- you can do it!
I hope that today is a better day for you and that writing down your goals helps :) Good luck!
PS What do you want to do your MA in and where? I did mine last year in Sociology at the U of T :)
Thanks Katie.
ReplyDeleteAiming to do a MA in Educational Admin at UBC. That is - if I can ever get in!
You're making such amazing progress. You're so dedicated.
ReplyDeleteKatie is right. Everyone has different things going on for them at different times in life. I'm sure they're looking at your life and wishing they had more time to focus on themselves. It's quite the luxury.
Great goals by the way.
Have fun with the girls on Wed.