Reflecting on the Fat Me

With all the excitement of getting down to 209 pounds, I've been thinking a lot about my life as a fat girl.

Although I don't really feel like this since I started losing weight - the main thing that haunts me when I was 233 pounds (or being overweight and not trying to lose weight for that matter) is other peoples comments.

When you're 233 pounds, you know you're fat - I wake up in the morning, stand in front of my closet and stress over what fits or doesn't fit and a little piece of my heart breaks every time I slip into my XXL shirts and size 18 pants. Along with that there's the depressing chores of shopping or exercising with your skinny friends as well as a slew of other activities (swimming, going to the beach, hot tubs, etc) that your too embarrassed to partake in because of what your body looks like. Further - sitting on the bus, plane and train is often uncomfortable, especially if you're lucky enough to sit beside another large-sized person.

The thing is, I could almost live with all of those personal disappointments - the thing that really gets me is my friends and family's perception of me when I am obese and overweight. My family would continually ask me if I was planning to go back to the gym or would suggest I try kickboxing or the like, my grandma would call me up and tell me about the new diets she read in her latest magazine, even colleagues would lecture and "educate me" on things I can do to help improve my health. People automatically assume when your fat that you know nothing about nutrition, activity, etc. and this is simply not true. My biggest pet peeve is people talking down to me - and I felt this so much at 233 pounds - people just assumed that I didn't know how to live an active lifestyle - which is far from true - I simply chose not to live a healthy lifestyle.

I know that they are trying to help and all - but it only brought me down when others commented on my weight - it was like - seriously - do you think I don't know I'm fat?

In fact, I worked at a health centre and gym for over 6 years, used to be a lifeguard and took the BC fitness theory course. I do know this stuff, so people putting me down simply because they are skinnier than me just makes me feel worse than dirt.

So, i've changed my outlook and choice and will be thin again - never to return to the days when people assume that I don't know jack. I'm seriously looking forward to being under 200 pounds and am ready and willing to put my fitness knowledge into practice and show them I know what I am doing.