End Of The Month Update

Well, August has come and gone. This month I managed to loose not 1 pound - not 1! Needless to say, I am not happy about that.

Here is how I did on my August goals:

1.) Get to 173 lbs - Nope! Stayed the same all month - currently at 178 lbs.

2.) Fit into my size-12 dress pants: CHECK - managed to reach this goal early in the month.

3.) Do a total of 20 hours of cardio: 17.5 only.

4.) Be able to do 2.5 miles on the treadmill in 30 minutes: NOPE! I tried to do this today and managed to do 1.67 miles in 30 minutes, so this goal will have to carry over into September.

5.) Stay on plan food-wise every week this month: TOTAL FAIL! I didnt stay on plan even one week this month. Hum, I wonder if this is why I didnt lose any weight...

6.) Do 7 Yoga classes this month: CHECK - In fact, I did 8!

Reward: New Gym shoes: CHECK!

Ok, so to sum up, August wasnt the best month I have had on the ranch - thank goodnes September starts in a few hours. I had an incident with a pair of chocolate chip cookies that were calling my name at work today and accidently ate the bun WITH BUTTER that came with my Tim Hortons Chili tonight. *Sigh*, I miss the old committed me, Lisa - where do you go, you were so disciplined before - what happened to you, where did you go - please come back!

Maybe Ill find my dedication in September. Lets hope!

Back on Track

Hooray!

Finally! I feel like I've gained control again and am back on track - yesterday - after a slight incident with a bag of chee cha puffs, I managed to only go 7 points more than my daily Weight Watcher points allowance and today, I am sticking to healthy, equipped with healthy snacks and have even downloaded a movie to watch while I kick my arse at the gym tonight.

See healthy snack: banana:



September is looming and you know what that means: Fall is almost here! Hate me all you want - but I LOVE Fall, it is by far my favourite season. Everyone is going back to school, that means back to the routine, the grind and back to staying on plan.

I feel great today (despite my 1 lbs gain yesterday). I am sooo ready to stop dragging my arse around and start losing weight again. I am setting myself up for success and will hit the treadmill running later tonight - I can't wait!

The Damage

Well, the results are in folks - I gained a pound this week - not bad considering how horrible I was.

I am back on track today - writing down what I eat, went to yoga tonight and have set myself up for success for the rest of the week.

While in downward dog today at yoga - I spotted a space bewteen my legs (this is new for me), and it reminded why I am doing this! For the first time in a long time I am starting to feel good about my body image - I can not let that slip now - I must keep going.

So, put put, here I go!

Bust

Wow - so this weekend, things just kept sliding further and further down hill for me.

On Saturday, I managed to clock in 2.5 hours of cardio - and wow it felt so good to get my sweat on, but then that night, all hell broke loose.

I went out with a good friend who is just in town for a week, and before I knew it I had had WAY too may glasses of wine - like WAY WAY WAY too many glasses of wine.

Somehow I made it home - and then threw up well into the early hours of the morning.

The next day, of course, I ate pizza and then thai food.

Not only did I dent my visa, but I put a huge dent in my weight loss program *dammit*

So, I need to weigh in tonight and then put all this behind me. I am really ready to get back to it - to get back to being healthy and treating my body with kindness!

Getting Over Busy

Wow - this last week has been a stressful one! The good news: I bought a house!

The bad news: I did not go to the gym once, and I got very little sleep all week.

In fact yesterday, I fell asleep in the bank, while waiting for my financial planner in her office, I fell asleep while brushing my hair in front of the TV at dinner time and it was not until just last night, that I actually had more then 4 hours of sleep.

All I can say: thank gawd this last week is over. I am way over my points, and gave up tracking two days ago *sigh* - but I certainly did my best in choosing healthy foods. Today I went for a 1.5 hour walk, so I need to keep this up. I NEED MORE CARDIO. There is just so much to do right now and so little time.

This weekend, I plan to finish the condo purchase celebrations (including a sushi dinner tonight) - and then Monday - the schedule will return to normal and I will return to losing weight.

Tomorrow is also weigh-in day, I am hoping for a small loss, but am expecting a gain *sigh*

Off to my celebrations bloggies! See you tomorrow when I post my weigh in results!

Keeping My Cool

Yesterday was the most stressful day I have had in a long, long time - life was throwing shiet at me from all different directions - and although I did not end up going to the gym - I did not over consume food and made healthy choices. I am so proud of myself for not comforting my anxiety with a bowl of pasta and cheese. I think I may have this eating issue under control after all.

However, I have not been to the gym (doing cardio) since Sunday, and I feel GROSS. Cardio, for me, makes my body feel healthy - not doing it - I can really feel the slugishness take over - and I hate it.

I am looking forward to getting back to the gym and kicking my own arse on the elliptical and treadmill. Again, I am worried about weigh in this week - but as I was reminded in former posts - I just gotta keep on truckin'

Normally, I would be going to yoga tonight (with my favourite yoga teacher) - but the family is visiting from out of town, so I have got to spend time with them.

Is it weird that I am DYING to get back to the gym and yoga?

The me 6 months ago wouldn't recognize the me today.

So Much Support = Faith

You guys are the best!

I was so down these last few days - so full of guilt for over-eating (albeit not "bad" food - just "over-consuming" good foods) and really lost.

Sometimes I need a reminder that we all fall, but have to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and get back to it.

Yes, it's depressing that i've stumbled and been at the same weight for over a month now - and have gone over my points allowance for the past few weeks, BUT! Today has yet to be lived (wow - this is so cheeseball - I think I just puked in my mouth a little).

So far today - all I have had is a 4 point breakfast quesadilla and a yogurt parfait.

I can totally do this - I am focusing on today only. I will keep on plan today - and worry about tomorrow tomorrow.

What's more - I have been successful this last little while and have completely abstained from drinking coffee for the past two weeks! Green tea only! It's been hard - but I feel better when I wake up in the morning and my face isn't constantly breaking out anymore. I'm on a green tea kick - look out world!

My favourite green tea: Stash's Moroccan Mint - yum and yum - I could drink 10 cups everyday - sooo good!



PLUS! My sister is coming into town to visit me today - I am sooo looking forward to kicking her arse (and mine) at the gym tonight! I smell a 1.5 hour workout...



Dear Fat Lisa,

You will be gone by the time 2011 hits. I won't miss you.

Love,

Skinny Lisa

High School Reunions

Ok - so I didnt go to a high school reunion tonight - but I did meet up with some old friends from high school tonight for a dinner filled with remembering the good ol times.

I was so happy to not be sitting at that table at 233 lbs. But still 177 lbs aint that great either.

I am out of control with my eating - I just cant stop. Tonight I didnt hold back on anything - the wine, the appies, I put sauce on everything - and I dont even know how to track it.

I am disappointed in myself. I cannot stop this now - I have to stay on plan - but how.

Seriously peeps, I have got to figure out a way to help myself stay on plan. I feel gross - I feel fat and disgusting. I should be feeling amazing but I am not.

Tomorrow I am really and truly going to do everything I can to force myself to stay on plan and on track. If I gain this week - or stay at 177 lbs for the 4th week in a row I am going to be really pissed at myself.



Dear Lisa,

Please get your act together - you did not literally work your ass off for 6 months to give up now.

Love,

Skinny Lisa.

Anxiety and Emotional Eating

Since embarking on this health journey, I have to come to realize that my over-eating, binge-like issues are emotional. This means, that I over-eat when I am feeling some sort of emotion that I am having difficulty dealing with.

For me, anxiety and stress are the big ones - not so much sadness, lonliness - but my nerves cause me to eat - a lot.

These past couple weeks - although I have not completely slid back into my old ways of overflowing plates of pasta, full rows of oreo cookies and piles of kraft dinner - I have noticed my over-consumption issues start to come back.

Why - you ask - well, you see I have an accepted offer on a condo! My very own, very first condo!

I am so nervious about this purchase, not only will I be falling head first into debt - but Ill have to be a responsible person and *gulp* an adult!

I feel anxious about it - I feel anxious whenever a change happens in my life - and I have noticed that without thinking, I turn to food - and lots of it.

Now, for the most part, I have learned to control my binges since I started Weight Watchers - but still - I find myself having to take a few steps back many times and ask myself why I am I eating - for hunger or to satisfy my angst.

The problem has been recognized - but it is truly a daily battle to not eat my emotions. Some days, I fall back into my old ways more than others and over-consume. Most days, I am able to recognize this problem and resist every fibre of my being that is begging me to eat a plate of pasta and cheese bread until I cannot move.

Ah, the joys of having an eating disorder!

I've Been A Very Bad Girl!

This weekend - I totally caved and succumbed to treats, alcohol and even indulged in some of my over-eating habits from the past. *sigh*

Today was also weigh in day - still at 177 lbs - no gain, but also no loss.

I am disappointed in myself - I was so good all week - I ate healthy and within my points - but then the weekend hit - friends came in from out of town, I attended a wedding on Saturday, which included lots of alcohol and even cake and cheese!

The good news - my bad weekend is over, and I can now jump back on the health wagon and start anew,

So, in light of getting back on the horse, I went to the gym this evening and did 99 minutes on the elliptical - nuts right? Well, I'm going to have to have this hard-core attitude and behaviour if I want to break out of 177 lbs! I cannot start slacking now - I've got to stick to the plan and continue to exercise.

Speaking of exercise, I haven't shown you all my new "sneaks" yet, have I?

Even though I haven't met all my monthly goals yet this month - I was in desperate need of some new runners, seriously, take a look at how gross my old ones are:



Once upon a time, these things were white - I swear!

Now the new ones:



They are so white!

See how white they are compared to the old ones:



So, now I have to earn the rights to use these shoes - I have got to get on it...I have one more weigh in left for this month - and I really want to rock it - like I want to see a huge loss on that scale next week. No more putting around. Back to business over here folks, getting my arse in gear and watching what I put in my mouth!

Looking Good

Dear Bloggies,

Today I just enjoyed my new body, looking good and being skinny.

I went to a wedding, not only did I fit into a large sized dress from R W & Co. But seriously, I looked good and had all sorts of confidence.

This is the first dress I have worn in 7 years, check me out:



I was so proud of myself, I felt good, looked good and was HAPPY! I felt like a normal person - well as normal as a person could be - but the important part is that I was happy - happy for the happy couple and happy for myself.

I felt really good about myself today and I felt sexy - its been a long time since I have felt this way - and boy oh boy is it ever nice!

Can you believe this dress was on sale for only $9 ?!?!?! -Crazy right?

Battling Hurtfulness

While, yes I am still battered and bruised (emotionally) from yesterday's comment from my employee, this morning I woke up and decided that I am not going to let it bring me down.

In thinking about comments (about my weight-loss) yesterday, I had to really remind myself , "Lisa - you are doing this for you - no one else, so why on Earth do I care what people say?"

Man, it is so easy to veer off course - so many distractions and curve balls come at you all the time and it's so easy to forget that this is my battle - and i'm going to win it.

In fact, I'm already half way there! 56 down, 44 to go! wow!

If you wonder why I write in this blog daily - it's because this is a daily struggle for me. Everyday, things come up and I find myself struggling with one thing, then the next. This is a daily battle (maybe even an hourly battle). Therefore, everyday there is something to write about - because I have to deal with this everyday!

Pardon Me?

A week or so ago, I wrote about how people's comments at work make me very uncomfortable - good or bad.

Well. Today, after I "came out of the closet" at work and told everyone how much weight I had actually lost, an employee of mine told me that I "must have been hiding behind my clothes before".

Then, oh - get this, she says, "well, there is that one pink shirt you used to wear all the time that made you look really fat"

What? Are you fricking kidding me? Since when is it OK to say this to your BOSS!?!

I was incredibly insulted - after all - that still was ME! Just with an extra 60 lbs!

This, folks - is exactly what I HATE dealing with- people and their comments. Good or bad, please park your comments at the door prior to entering my office!

*end of rant*

Happiness Breeds Happiness

If you recall, in my first post in this blog, I mention that the trigger to me losing weight was a real conversation with my mom at the kitchen table back in February.

Mom told me, "when you lose the weight, everything else you want in life will start falling into place".

Thanks Mama Yoda.

The truth is, my obesity made me really unhappy, and I think that unhappiness spilled over into many other areas of my life and held me back, or even that my negativity trickled into other areas of my life and infected those areas with negativity.

Unhappiness breeds unhappiness... that's where I was in February.

Back then, I was unhappy with almost all areas of my life, except my job, I have always loved my job.

Today - EVERYTHING in my life has changed - for the better!

Really, it has!

I am happy now - happy with my body, with the weight I am at (even though I am not at my goal weight).

Here's what's changed in my life as a result of happiness trickling over into other areas of my life:

1.) I got accepted into a Master's program at a prestigious university and began taking courses in May

2.) I've lost nearly 60 lbs and feel AMAZING

3.) 3 days ago, I bought my very first apartment (I take ownership in October)

4.) My relationship with my boyfriend is now healthy and strong

... all this has happened in the last 6 months - and I truly believe it is a spillover from my happiness (due to the weight loss) that has triggered it all.

Life is so much better now. I am just so happy!

Look At ME!

At yoga today while doing a spinal twist - I caught a glimpse of my thigh and thought to myself how happy I am and how impressed I am with how skinny ive made my legs!

Seriously, it is such a great feeling to really SEE the changes in your body.

Next up to be skinni-fied: the tummy!

Weigh In and 1/2 Point Check!

Damn! No change today at weigh in. Still at 177 lbs! Boo hiss.

However, I did stay on plan this week and managed to get in a fair bit of exercise in. Since tomorrow is the last day of classes for me and all I will have to do until Labour Day is work - I think I'll be able to give this my all and really push myself to see how much I can do.

We're half way through August and I am about half way through my monthly goals. Still, my running goals worry me - don't know if I'll be able to make them.

I've got two weeks to try though.

Change and Weight Loss

There are three moments in my life that triggered me - made me know that I needed to change my habits and become healthy. They're odd situations, but here they are:

1.) When I was 19 or 20, I was at work, and I was complaining to my supervisor that I didn't like this particular song we were playing on the stereo system, and he said to me, "change it". I remarked, "i'm allowed to do that?" He responded, "yeah, if you don't like something - change it". I know it seems pretty weird to a be a life changing experience. But after that quick conversation, as I was changing the CD in the stereo, I remember thinking - wow, yeah, if I don't like it - change it. I spent the rest of the day that day thinking about all the things in my life that I disliked and making a plan to change it -because really, the hardest thing about change is making the decision to change.

2.) Talking to a former best friend of mine when I was about 22 years old. I remember complaining about how my mom was going on and on, ragging on me for being fat and begging me to start losing weight. I guess my friend got tired of listening to my complaints, because she snapped at me, "then just do it already - just lose weight if her comments bother you so much". Well I shut right up then and there. A little insulted, I thought, "hum, ya, she has a point..."

3.) When I was 24, talking with my dad on the phone, he was telling me about how my mom was saying that she just wishes I would lose weight and was thinking of some incentive she could give me to help me make that change. My dad said to me, "when you decide to lose the weight - you'll do it. Once you chose to do it, you'll be successful at it and will lose all the weight". This sparked a "I should just do it then, if deciding to do it is all it takes..."

These three moments in my life really stand out in my life in terms of change - sinking deep into my subconscious and reminded me constantly that all I really needed to do was make the decision that I did want to change and the change would happen.

I went to see eat pray love last night, and although I found it to be more of a love story than anything else, I saw this idea of change burried deep within the underlying message of the movie.

The hardest part about change - is making the decision to change!

Hello Collar Bones!

Guess what I found today!

COLLAR BONES!

I haven't seen these things in so long - I forgot they've been hiding under a layer of fat this whole time!

Check me out:



Discovering I have collar bones again has totally motivated me. This weekend will be my "weekend at the gym extravaganza", meaning that I'm spending a good deal of time at the gym this weekend getting my sweat on! Seriously folks - I am going to make sure I get to 175 by Monday's weigh in.

Went to yoga last night - it was quite possibly the best class I have been to yet! Every time I go to yoga, I amaze myself with what I can do now. I'll find myself in a pose (a difficult one), or holding plank, and I think to myself - "I can't believe i'm doing this"

I'm rediscovering my body and what it's capable of - and it's wonderful!

One Monthly Goal Down - 4 To Go!

Yessss, I did it - first goal accomplished of the month: fit into my size 12 dress pants.

I did it - check me out - I am comfortable and look great:



Last week, my mom kept on commenting on how skinny my lower half is - no doubt from all those elliptical workouts i've been doing! It's true folks, my legs are looking trim and slim. I am quite happy with them.

I was looking through some of my older posts this morning (one of the many reasons I like to blog) and came across this one from back on June 3, 2010. Here I talked about how my legs are changing and how I felt sexy and trim!

Over 2 months have passed since then, and I find myself wearing the same outfit today - so.... I thought, let's do a comparison... and wow, you can really see the difference 17 lbs makes (especially in my legs):

June 3rd:



August 12th:




.... you can really see a difference right?

June 3rd:



August 12th:



I used to have such a difficult time "spotting the difference" - but wow - I can sure see it now! *toots her own horn*

Lastly, let's take a look and see if my wattle's shrunk *damn wattle*

June 3rd:



August 12th:



Humm, it would be nice if the wattle shrunk a bit faster!

Well there you have it bloggies, a mere 17 lbs CAN make a BIG difference in the appearance of your body. Proof's in the pudding!

Day of Snacks

Every once and a while I like to have a "day of snacks" where I don't actually eat any "meals" during the day, but spend the whole day snacking my brains out (on healthy foods of course).

Today was a "snacking day" for me.

I have so much fun with this - it is so awesome. Already today, I have had some fibre one cereal (I eat it like popcorn - out of a ziploc bag), grapes, carrots, an apple, an orange, a couple glasses of green tea, some babybel light cheeses, some crackers, and some nectarines:



Oh and copious glasses of water:



It's great because snacking keeps me full all day and I feel like I am eating all day - which is reminiscent of my past :) Of course it helps that it's summer here and there are lots of fresh fruit and veggies to snack on.

Off to eat a plum...

Weightloss Comments

Seriously, I don't know what the heck is wrong with me!

Today, while in a meeting, the woman I was meeting with stopped mid-sentence and said to me, "wait, you look different".

Immediately I started to sweat and replied, "do I?" - thinking, "oh shiet, now I'm going to have to tell her about my weight loss"...

Obviously, the way she said was very awkward, I mean really, what am I supposed to say, "ya, I've dropped 56 lbs - so I DO look different"

I just hated her scanning me up and down trying to figure out what was different about me... I felt judged and insecure.

She then realized after a few minutes of analyzing my figure - that: "I don't want to be rude, but have you lost weight?"

"Why yes, yes I have - thank you for noticing"

I guess ultimately this is something that I am going to have to get used to - I mean, 56 lbs doesn't go unnoticed. But I just want to keep my personal issues private (hence the secret blog). Urgh. Will I ever be able to accept a compliment?

A few other people have remarked about me looking "healthy" and even "skinny" - my standard reply is, "yes, I have lost weight, thanks for noticing". Perhaps I need to get a little more fancy with my replies... after all - people will most definitely be commenting on my weight when I am a mere 130 lbs - 100 lbs gone.

What do you say when people comment on your weight loss? How does it make you feel? Am I totally crazy?

Furthermore, this lady went on to tell me about her own weight loss and the struggles that came along with it. I had to sit there and smile and nod, like "yeah! We're weight loss buddies - high fives".

I knew this would happen eventually - I guess I am now a walking poster tabloid for weight-loss. Here we go. Next, look for my memoir in the biography section of Chapters.

Synthesis

Yesterday I stayed on plan! Hello big loss this week!

At yoga last night, my regular instructor was away on vacation, and her replacement was a very spiritual lady who passed around words for everyone to pull out of a bag, so that we could each focus on this word throughout our yoga practice for the evening.

I pulled the word SYNTHESIS.

At first I was like - wtf? Synthesis? I started to contemplate this word and what it means for me. But really, I was unsure of what it even means. So to get a better understanding - I thought to myself - what is the opposite of "synthesis" and I came to the conclusion that the opposite is "combust".

Now, as you can see from my former posts, "combust" is something I am trying very hard NOT to do in my life. In fact, the primary purpose of me wanting to find balance in life to so that I won't "combust".

So yes, "synthesis" is indeed an appropriate word for me to pull out of the bag - I need to focus on synthesizing my life. Perhaps this is the universe's way of telling me"

"Lisa - Step 1 to finding balance in your life = synthesis"

Hello Monday! Let's Make this a Good Week!

Happy Monday bloggies,

I am pretty pleased with myself as I managed to lose 1 lb last week, while on vacation visiting my family (I ate a burger, had wine and other not-so WW healthy foods). This week, I am committed (yes I am insane!). I am going to give'r all week this week - I've got my gym pass, I am all fueled up and rearing to go.

Last night I went back to the gym (after a small break) and am happy to report that I am still in decent shape and can still do my regular routine of 1/2 hour on the elliptical and 1/2 hour on the treadmill.

Here's my plan of attack for the week:

- Stay On Plan all week (eat only my weekly points - not my activity points)
- Monday and Thursday night = Yoga
- Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday = 1 hour at the gym each day ('cept for on Saturday and Sunday - i'll spend 2 hours at the gym on those days)
- Drink copious amounts of water

There you have it folks - this is a recipe for a 3 pound weight loss this week! Let's hope I can pull this off!

Back Home and Back to the Grind

Well, here I am - back at home after my 4-day long family vacation. I have also just returned from the gym, where I bought a new unlimited monthly pass - that's right, I am back at 'er.

Today was my weigh in - down 1 pound - not bad considering I didn't track while I was on vacation and I rarely worked out.

I can't wait to get my life back on track - I am equipped and ready to get back into the grind and continue to lose weight. Today while I was sweating like a pig on the elliptical, I thought to myself - "ah" and was reminded of how good it feels to get my sweat on!

Putting My Skills to the Test

Oh wow, funny how vacations really force you to put your "healthy living" skills to the test. I have officially given up tracking until I return from my family vacation on Sunday - but am making many, many efforts to eat well. What keeps getting me are the portion sizes - does no one in the world eat regular portion sizes? Yikes!

Thanks to those of you who commented on my post yesterday - It really was a big day for me.

I've been thinking a lot about a former post I wrote about my issues with over-eating and being a work-aholic. Well, this morning I was in the shower and I realized that these qualities of mine that I am trying to fix do not define me. In my previous post, I mention that these negative qualities, are in part, a part of my identity (and I really like who I am).

While in the shower this morning, I realized that just because I cannot be an over-eater anymore, this does not mean that I have to stop loving food. See, what I realized is that, at the core of my identity - I love food (all kinds of food), I don't like over-eating. What I had done (and still do) was confuse the love of food with my over-consumption of food - when in fact, they are two completely different things. Thus, I can still love food and not binge on it (duh!). Thus my identity = love food, not over-consume it!

The same thing goes for my over-working - that is: just because I enjoy working hard, that does not mean that I have to spend every waking moment of my life working... again there are two different concepts here.

Let me tell you bloggies, this is a revelation for me. Something that I have been stuck on for a long while. It's funny that the answer came to me while I was singing in the shower - of all the places.

Next step here it to embrace this - and really start to figure out the different between loving food and over-eating it (this may seem simple - but for a person like me who spent the majority of my life over-eating - the line between them is very fine and I need to look very, very closely)!

Vacation Update

Just wanted to update you all on my first day of my vacation, visiting my family: this is the first time they've seen me since i've lost 55 lbs.

They are impressed.

I don't think I have ever seen my family so proud of me (and I have many academic and work accomplishments).

With my family's confirmation, I am feeling pretty proud of myself today (even though I don't think I look THAT different - and I am still "obese").

Mom was so proud she went out and bought me a new wardrobe.

I have the best mom in the world. Every time she looks at me she just smiles and tells me how good I look.

I feel good today. More or less, I stayed on plan (ate balanced meals), and played tennis with my sister in the rain (fun!) oh and shopped around the mall with mom for a few hours.

Today I am so happy and thankful to myself that I started this journey 5 months ago. What's that saying?.... A year from now you'll wish you started today"...

Yup - so thankful I started on March 1st - got my life back, have my family proud of me, inspiring people to light a fire under their own arses (aka Dad wants to loose some poundage after seeing "how small I am").

All the hard work and dedication is SO worth it - believe me - I have not been THIS happy in a long time.

They Fit!

So, tomorrow I am off to the BC Interior to visit my family. It will certainly be a test to my eating and exercising abilities and stamina. I have already petitioned my brother to go to yoga with me, my sister to climb a mountain with me and my mom to get drunk on wine with me (balance people - balance!).

I think it will go well, except I am a little nervous as the last time I saw my family, I had lost 30 lbs. Now, I'm down 55 lbs, and my mom is so excited to see what I look like it is insane. I'm pretty sure that i'll disappoint as I really am not "skinny" yet - I'm just no longer "obese" and am simply "overweight" - so many categories eh?

Well, in packing, I found some old shorts from when I was 19 - and they fit me! Finally my pasty white legs will get to see the light of day. I haven't shown my legs in shorts for nearly 7 years. This will certainly be interesting. I bet they're looking forward to not living like vampires anymore.

I will do my best to update my blog while I'm running around the interior - but can't make any promises as my sister tends to stick to me like stink and I want to keep this blog just for me and not let them in on my online world.

Now, time to shave those legs of mine, get ready for tomorrow...

To Be... Or Not To Be...

In my more recent posts, I talk about how I've had this "ah ha" moment, that I haven't been putting enough in to the universe. This, of course, stems from the fact that the universe has been handing me some no-so-favourable situations over the last couple years. Thus, my attempt to carry a more positive attitude with me in life and giving more than I get seemed to be the reasonable answer to finding balance in my life.

However, all this got turned upside down today when I began reading Elizabeth Gilbert's "Eat, Pray, Love" I'm only about 1/3 into the book, already love it and am now thinking that I need to revert back to my "selfish" ways and put my focus back on me. Make time for myself, do things with for the sole benefit of myself...

In other words, I am still seeking balance - here specifically, I am looking for a balance between give and take in life. Will I ever find it? Perhaps I am looking in all the wrong places?

If only finding balance in life could be like finding balance in a yoga class - you only need it for 5 short breaths then you move on to another crazy pose. But in life, you have to hold that balance, for... ever. I'm still looking to find mine.

Perhaps I should explain in more detail why it is that I have such an issue with balance? Well, to make a long story short, I would consider myself both an over-eater and a work-aholic. I have a tendency to punish myself through these two means (that being food and work) and have done this for as long as I can remember (in fact when I was 15 I worked in a italian restaurant - where I not only over-worked myself until my feet bleed (literally) but would also go home at the end of the night with a 5 lb container of lasagna - no doubt I gained 45 lbs that year).

My theory is that I over-indulge in these two vital components of life because I have some type of guilt that prevents me from living life in balance or in harmony with these two components. Why I feel guilty? I have no idea. But I do know that I need to be able to feel worthy of leading a healthy life - both in terms of food and nutrition and in terms of work (my work-aholic problems are way beyond the scope of this post - or even this blog for that matter).

I can just picture yoda telling me that when I reconcile this worthiness and balance in my life - only then will my weight issues disappear and I will find true happiness. Oh yoda.... you are so right! But here's the thing (and I've mentioned this before). I like myself - a lot. I like my personality and I think I have a great strong character. I feel like so much of my character rotates around my over-eating and work-aholic qualities.... so the challenge here to to keep true to the part of myself that I love so much, while losing these "toxic qualities" and replacing them with healthier ones. After all, I will still be ME when I'm no longer a over-eater and work-aholic - right? I'll still be Lisa when i'm running a marathon and have a healthy work-life balance? Right?

So this, my fellow bloggies, is my current focus - what is a healthy balance (for me) between the give and the take in my life - and how do allow myself to feel worthy of that balance while not losing my sense of self and character?

More to come as I work through this unanswerable focus!

That Time I Did 2 Yoga Classes in One Day!

You read it right - today, being a stat holiday and all for us BC'ers - I took advantage (while high on my 2 lbs loss from last week) and did 2 yoga classes at the rec centre AND went for a 45 minute walk outside AND did 30 minutes on the elliptical. I feel really strong today - but did (once again) manage to over-eat my daily points today *sigh* I really need to get that under control!

Now, I should make this clear - when I say I "over-ate" it doesn't mean that I made unhealthy choices - not at all! It means that I either ate too many wasa crackers, laughing cow light cheeses, had that glass of orange juice this morning, etc, etc. But you see, for me, this is part of the problem. Just because it's "healthy food" doesn't mean that I can eat copious amounts of it... eating like this everyday will easily bring be back to 233 lbs. Thus - I need to get this "snacking" under control.

Just want to leave you with a photo of my "Turkey Chili with rice and broccoli" that I had for dinner tonight (and only one helping). Boy oh boy was it ever good. Yum!



Back on plan tomorrow (for realsies)! No excuses!

New Goals for a New Month

Here we are: in August - time for a new set of monthly goals. Here is what I will be working towards this month:

AUGUST GOALS 2010

1.) Get to 173 lbs

2.) Fit comfortably into my size-12 black dress pants - they currently fit me - just not comfortably...

3.) Do a total of 20 hours of cardio activity this month.

4.) Be able to do 2.5 miles on the treadmill in under 30 minutes.

5.) Stay within weekly points allowance each week this month.

6.) Do 7 Yoga Classes this month.

Reward for Completing All Goals: NEW RUNNING SHOES!

This month, I will actually reach each of these goals (not like last month). Hopefully, by the end of this month, I will be in the 160s. I can so do this. Bring it on August!

Good Morning 170's!

Good Morning All!

Just got my not-so-fat arse back from the walking up to the gym to weigh myself.... drumroll please.... 178 lbs! That's right! I made it into the 170's. I have no idea how I did this - what with the little amount of exercising I did and the two days I didn't track.

This (and every weigh in after this) is the lowest I have ever weighed in my adult life. I feel great! Now, off to celebrate with a yoga class.

Got to make good use of the last day of my rec centre pass....

The Dreaded Buffet

Well, today has certainly been a bust. Not only did I not go to the gym or do any physical activity (again) I didn't even bother to "weigh-in" today. I didn't track either. I did however, go to a buffet this morning for brunch and made some very smart choices - half my plate was pure fruit salad, while 1/3 was egg and then about 1 cup of hashbrowns and a couple glasses of water. Not too shabby for someone who's not tracking these days.

However, I went to a BBQ tonight -inhaled a HUGE beef burger - with cheese (on a multigrain bun though), salad and a lot of chips, crackers and dip (sigh) - oh and then angel food cake for dessert.

Today was certainly a bust. Good thing there is such a thing as tomorrow.

My plan for tomorrow: back to tracking, weigh myself, yoga class and do some kind of cardio activity (tennis anyone?)