Faaaaa

Grrr... So angry at myself. Totally went off plan AGAIN this weekend. I must not really want to get into the 180's or something.

Of course, with the copious amount of food I ate this weekend - when I weighed in this morning, I was at 191 again.

I need to get this under control, or i'll be at 190/191 forever.

Choices, choices, choices

These last few days have been super busy, and even though I did go over my daily points allowance and didn't exercise as much as I would have liked - I DID manage to make the best possible choices in the situation I was in.

When I had to order room service, I ordered a tofu stir fry for dinner and an egg white omelette for breakfast. Even though I didn't get to the gym last night, I did manage to squeeze a 45 minute walk in on my lunch hour.

So, even though i'm in the red - I am calling this week an overall success - I could have easily ordered a steak or burger and could have sat at my desk on my lunch hour. By just making these choices, I'm winning.

Hopefully the scale will agree on Monday and will show me a number in the 180's!

Kicking Arse at the 30 Day Shred

Well, well, well... look who's finally jumped onto the 30 Day Shred bandwagon and is LOVING IT!?

The first time I did this 20 minute workout, I nearly died and was in mad pain for two days afterwards, and now... surprisingly, I am actually starting to like it. Even though my muscles shake for a little while after I finish, I no longer wake up in severe pain the next day and I actually am almost able to do the full workout. 

Don't get me wrong, I DO the workout, I just can't do the full 30 seconds or so of pushups and have to take a quick break here and there to catch my breath. 

20 Minutes is so much more manageable than an hour at the gym! AND - I can do it in my house - super bonus!

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL FOLKS, every time I do it, I can do a little bit more and what's even better - I can actually feel my body getting stronger. If I was one for taking measurements, I would... I think next month, I am going to do the 30 Day Shred everyday for 30 days and will take before and after pictures. 

I'm so glad I forced myself off the couch tonight and just did it. 

I fracking rock!

(also, even though it sounds like I was - I was not paid to write this by anyone ;)

Up a Pound :(

What a terrible week. I tracked maybe 2/7 days this last week - and it showed on the scale this morning - UP ONE POUND!

Fricking terrible!

I'm going to spend about an hour being mad at myself after I finish this blog post, then I'm going to get over it and get back to tracking what I eat and exercising like a beast.

The good news here is that I am still down 10 lbs from when I stated just over a month ago, and that's nothing to sneeze at. I'm going to focus on that as my motivation this week (keeping with "positive May") and I'm going to work hard to see the 180's on the scale next week.

The only thing is that I HAVE to stay on plan. If I stay on plan, i'll bust into those 180's and if I don't then I won't. So, it's up to me and ONLY me to do this (ahem, do you hear that future self!?)

Wagon Jumping

Well here it is:

I haven't tracked what i've been eating since Wednesday. I just fell off the wagon (eating-wise) and I stayed there!

In addition to not counting what I've been eating, I've been eating foods that I know are high in fat, and portions that are so large that i'm sure that would equal more than triple the amount of daily points that i'm allowed.

Sigh.

On the flip side to that, I've been active this whole time i've been off the food-counting wagon, which is good. When I peeked at the scale this morning, 191 was looking me in the face and then it dawned on me:

I'm doing this for a reason, a very good reason. I have goals and I WANT to accomplish them.

Fack.

Urge to Binge... Again

Yesterday was my "recovery day" - meaning that I worked out hard on Monday, so I took yesterday to give my body a break. As soon as I finished dinner - I had this almost uncontrollable urge to binge. So, from 7-8 last night, I fought with myself about weather I should run up to the grocery store and buy a bag of "healthy cheesies" to go to town on.

(Un)fortunately, I ended up being too lazy to go all the way to the grocery store (I live five minutes away) and settled for a tomato and avacado sandwich. I guess you could call that a non-scale victory - but I still managed to eat 50 points of food yesterday, which, ain't so good.

But, it could have been worse.

Why do I always get these ridiculous urges to binge! They need to fack off!

Starting the Week Strong

Since Monday is the day after my weigh in - it is the start of a fresh new week for me.

On my way home from work yesterday, I was humming and hawing over what I should do exercise-wise last night. There are two yoga classes that my rec centre runs on Monday nights and I thought that would be a great way to get 2 of the 5 yoga classes in (I need to do 5 classes this month).

But alas, at the last minute, I changed my mind and ended up doing BOTH the 30 Day Shread AND the C25K!

After the video and run, I felt like a million bucks! A month ago, the 30 Day Shead left me crippled for a week and now, not only can I do the Shead, I can go out and kill the C25K right after (in the rain, might I add) - i'm getting fitter and fitter each week!

Weigh In Day / Staying the Same

When I woke up this morning - I layed in bed for a good hour before I was able to move myself to the scale to see if I had done any damage to myself this weekend. As I layed there, I was trying to determine if I felt heavy, or light... just to prepare myself for what was to come.

When I finally got to the scale - the needle stopped at 190.

I was both relived and disappointed at the same time. Relieved that I didn't do any damage and disappointed that I had put in all this time and energy at the beginning of the week - and now it's pretty much a wasted effort. I was also really disappointed because I really wanted to bust into those 180's. And now, I'll have to wait another week before I can hit that milestone.

Rome wasn't built in a day. Unfortunately!

Weekend Terribleness

During my commute home on Friday, I mapped out a plan on how to stay on plan and be completely active all weekend. And then I got home and completely fell off the wagon... hard.

After dinner, I just kept eating and eating and eating until I had stomach pains of death, then, I threw up and fell asleep at about 9:00pm.

Saturday morning, I resolved to get back on plan - just because you have a bad day, doesn't mean that you have to throw the whole weekend away, right? So, I procrastinated all morning and then finally coaxed myself into going for a jog - and I did my best jog yet - week 4, day 1 of the C2 10K program. I ended up jogging for a total of 22 minutes and never felt better.

When I got home from the jog - being Saturday night and all - I went a little overboard on the booze and somehow, that turned into a late night stop at McDonalds (McChicken and fries).

Now, Sunday morning - tomorrow is weigh-in day and not only do I feel like garbage (from the booze and McDicks) but I am worrying about what the scale will say tomorrow morning. I so badly want to be in the 180's, but after this train-wreck of a weekend - my hopes and dreams are looking pretty bleak. Right now, I'm trying not to stew in self-hate and am trying to put all this behind me and move on into a more healthier frame of mind!

Bathing Suit Reminders...

I had big plans to go to the gym and sweat my arse off yesterday - but instead I found myself wandering around Costco.

When I got home from work yesterday, there was a reminder waiting for me at home that i've committed to attend a party that requires me to wear a bathing suit in late July - I suddenly got really down in the dumps and felt like hiding under my bed after this reminder. And from there, things just went downhill as I freaked out about what i'm going to look like in a bathing suit and weather i'll be at a decent weight by then.

Sigh. 

I peeked at the scale this morning too - I might just make it into the 180's on my next weigh in (Monday). Right now, I am completely out of weekly points and so only have my daily and activity points to go on. I tend to eat more on the weekends - so we'll see how this works out for me. Seeing 18X on the scale on Monday would feel really good - I could really use a pick-me-up right now.

I do have every intention in the world to go for a jog today after work - or / and do the 30 Day Shread. I really want to reach my goals this month and i'm doing everything in my power to achieve them.

Running

It's so weird that last weekend, I had the urge to run and I just went out and ran. 

As I posted in a former post, I haven't really ran since 2011. Last night, I strapped my runners on again and went out for a 30 minute jog. What? Yes! Me, a 30 minute jog. I am, however, really trying to not over-do it - I don't want an injury to prevent me from going forward. Last night, I did week 3, day 2 of the C25K program. I ended up running for 10 minutes and walking 20 minutes (intervals.) I have to admit that I am shocked I was able to just jump right back into running. When I started running in 2011, I couldn't run more than 30 seconds at a time. By the end of the year, I was able to run without stopping for 30 minutes straight, and eventually ran a 1/2 marathon!

Yesterday's run made me feel fit, capable, healthy and strong. I was impressed with myself and am inspired to keep with the running routine. From here on out, I'm going to make a serious effort to run 3-4 times a week. I really have no excuses now that summer has arrived. I can't even tell you how excited I am for the 1/2 marathon in October. I registered and paid yesterday, so there's no going back now!

Tonight, I'm off to the gym to log another hour of cardio and will be picking up a ton of veggies at Costco to set me up for success this weekend. 

Things I Hate About Being Obese

I know I said that this month was going to be "positive May" - but I need to get this negativity out of my head, and this is the only place I can think of putting it.

Top five things I hate about being "obese":

1.) Blouses don't fit me - my chest is too big for all button down blouses. I love blouses and wish I could wear them to work.

2.) When I get a box of chocolates as a gift at work my mom will say something like, "that's too bad - the last thing you need is a box of chocolates"

3.) When I go shopping and find something I like, I have to dig to the bottom of the pile (or back of the rack) to find the XL. I dig so quickly because I am embarrassed.

4.) It's expensive - I own a wardrobe of clothes that range from medium to XXL. It takes up a lot of space and all my favourite clothes never seem to fit me.

5.) The way I look in a bathing suit and my fear of the summer months (were I can't wear lots of clothes to cover my body.)

Sigh - now that that's out of my system, I can move on with my day in a more positive light.

Half-Marathon in October?

For those who don't know, back in October 2011 I ran a half-marathon and I did it in 3 hours.

Last Sunday, after a successful jog for the first time in... a long time, I put my running shoes on and went for a jog. I felt so great while I was jogging (I somehow completely forgot about the "runner's high") and the next day - no pain!

So, of course, coming off an excellent jog last weekend, I've decided that I am going to run the half-marathon coming up this October AGAIN - and this time around, i'll be doing it in under 3 hours. At least, that's the goal.

I'm super excited about doing the half-marathon and cannot wait to get back into a regular running training schedule.

This is going to be super fun - i'm so excited!

Down Another 2lbs!

Yay!

Even though I went a little nuts on the food last night... and had one too many melted cheese on toasts....

I'm still down 2lbs today and am very happy about it!

... Soooo close to seeing those 180's on the scale again. It will feel so great to bust into them! Next week... next week...

May the 4th Be with Me

Four days into May and so far, I'm doing well. I had a nice long sleep last night - woke up this morning and *almost* had melted reduced fat cheese on toast for breakfast, but then changed my mind when I saw the portobello mushrooms in the fridge and made myself some melted cheese on mushrooms with a little greek yogurt on top.

They weren't as tasty as I thought they would be - maybe they needed a little salsa? Maybe a poached egg on top? Something...

Then, I managed to fit in a 1.5 hour walk around my lovely city. It was such a beautiful day in Vancouver today - I even wore my sun glasses and no sweater! It's like summer has arrived.

Then I got home and I was lazing around. I impulsively decided to give the 30 Day Shread another go. In case you don't remember, for the first time ever, I gave the 30 Day Shread (which is only 20 minutes) a try last month and not only did I almost die, I could barely move for days afterwards! It was shameful!

After doing this monster video (on facking level one) again today, my whole body was shaking for a good hour afterwards, so I took a shower and am now praying that I am able to move when I wake up tomorrow.

While I was doing the video with my 8 pound weights, I realized - hey, this is what 8 pounds feels like.
I lifted the weight over and over agin trying to imagine caring that weight around with me everywhere I go - I lost 9 lbs last month - one pound more than that weight! It's hard to feel the different that a mere nine pounds makes on your body. Feeling that 8 pound weight - I'm more determined now to lose another 8 pounds, and another, and another, until i'm finally at a healthy weight!

Monthly Goal Rewards

So, after not achieving the monthly goals I set for myself last month (I didn't take it very seriously because I didn't really start until April 8th or so), I decided that I would "punish" myself by not allowing myself to get the reward I set for myself: a much needed hair cut.

I'm using this hair cut as a serious incentive this month to actually take my monthly goals seriously. I haven't cut my hair in about 5 months and it's pretty raggidy-looking:

Plus, my hair is super long and it's just being a pain in my arse.

So, here's the deal I've made to myself: complete all your monthly goals and you can cut your hair - don't complete your goals, and you'll have to endure another month of ugly hair.

It's like i'm holding myself hostage. But, you gotta do what you gotta do!

Doing OK

May is off to a great start.

Yesterday I went to grab a sushi roll for myself for lunch, and after I opened the container I noticed that it had some sort of mystery meat in it :( I always order avacado rolls, so this was disappointing. I ended up throwing it away and opting for a 7-point meal replacement bar instead. I didn't let it get me down, I just put on my big-girl pants and moved on. Food is not everything.

Today, I caved a little bit - I went to a conference, that included a nicely catered lunch and, while I tried to restrain myself, I did indulge a little bit. But for the most part, I made smart choices and, even though I am over my daily points allowance for the day, I'm pretty proud of myself.

I've got my first visit to the gym of the month planned for tonight, which I am looking forward to - especially because I am starting to notice that my size 14 pants are too baggy for me and that I am looking smaller. I love that I can notice the difference! What's more, a peek at the scale this morning is making my upcoming weigh in promising!

"Positive May"

These last few months, for some reason have been depressing ones for me. I don't know why, but i've been seriously down in the dumps since February. I'm depressed and I honestly have noting to be depressed about.

This morning, however, I woke up in different spirits. I almost didn't recognize the feeling (it's been so long), but I woke up in a positive mood and super excited to start a new month in a better, more positive mood. So that's what I'm doing. I'm calling May "Positive May"because i'm putting my pity party to bed and will aim to be nothing but grateful for all that I have.

That being said, my new monthly goals are:

"Positive May" Goals:

1.) Do 5 Hours of Yoga

2.) 6X 30 Day Shread

3.) 20 Hours of Cardio Activity

4.) Stay On Plan 30 Days

5.) Be at 180lbs by the end of the Month!

I cannot even express how happy being back in the 180's would feel for me. I was thinking this morning that, sticking to my plan, I could be the lowest weight of my adult life by the September rolls around, which would virtually mean a new me for the start of all the great things I am about to embark on in September...

I've got nothing but positive thoughts today and am going to try and hold onto that positivity for as long as possible!

Happy "Positive May"!