April 2013 Recap

Since I re-committed 1/3 of the way through April, I'll be the first to admit that I:

1.) Didn't set very realistic monthly goals for myself,

2.) Didn't take my goals very seriously because I didn't set realistic goals.

... I can confirm that the May goals I'm working on right now are 1000X more appropriate.

Here's what I set out to accomplish in the month of April:

1.) Get under 190 lbs: Currently at 192 lbs
2.) Log 30 hours of activity: 17/30
3.) Log 15 hours of Cardio: 17/15

Reward for completing all tasks: Much Needed Haircut!

So, as you can see, while, I was 2 lbs away from meeting my weight goal (the most important goal of all), I still did manage to lose 9 lbs this month, which ain't anything to complain about.

I also managed to squeeze in 17 hours of cardio activity. Unfortunately, most of those hours were walks, but I'm not going to complain about that - activity is activity.

So that's it! April is over (thank God) - and I'm excited to put April in the past and move onto May.

I'm calling May, "Positive May" - I'm going to be positive!

CHEATER!

Wow, Sunday was horrific!

After using all my daily and weekly points on Saturday night (ahem, and after the cheesie situation), I went nuts on Sunday. I even ended the day with an order from the indian restaurant down the street that included butter chicken.

Sigh.

But don't worry - I paid for it. I woke up on Monday morning with stomach pains of death and had to leave work at about 2pm because I was in so much pain.

What's worse is that Monday is my weigh in day. I couldn't weigh in - I was so bloated and felt so disgusting - I knew from the moment I woke up that yesterday was going to be a write off... and it was.

So I didn't weigh in yesterday - and instead, I vowed to weigh-in today. And, surprisingly, i'm down one pound (even after the terrible weekend I had).

I have to admit, I feel like a cheater, weighing in the day AFTER my weigh in day. But, I'm reminding myself that I am human, I make mistakes and this is just me reacting to them. Hey, at least I'm down and not up right?

Facking Cheesies!

This weekend was off to a really great start! I was on track all week, I fought through all my urges and was ready to have a nice, relaxing weekend. 

Yesterday, I went down to the States to pick up some healthy foods (namely yogurt) and fought all my urges to buy crap, despite how cheap everything is. 

The only thing that I could not resist buying for myself was a bag of "healthy" cheesies. I thought that I would be able to control myself and only have 33 cheesies at a time (a "portion"). But guess what - that's a lie. 

So last night, After two glasses of wine, I was feeling pretty good and decided to go off plan for the rest of the weekend. 

And so, you know what I did? I ate the whole bag of cheesies. 

This morning, with a clearer head, I woke up super disappointed with myself. I just want to throw my hands in the air and say, "fack it."

Sigh. 

I keep reminding myself that tomorrow is the start of a new week and am praying that despite my crappy night last night I still end up losing on the scale tomorrow morning. It's so hard to keep the end goal in sight when you've got a bag of cheesies calling your name from the pantry. 

I guess the lesson here is that I can't even have cheesies in the cupboard. 

Do you Ever inspire Yourself?

I finally had the opportunity to re-read some stuff from the olden' days on my blog, and holy cow am I ever inspired! That's the great thing about keeping a blog about your weightloss - if you keep pictures, you can actually see the difference in your body and holy cow is that ever inspiring. 

After looking at this post in particular - i've never been so motivated to get "back to where I was." 

Get ready weekend, i'm comin' for ya!

The Urge to Binge!

For some reason, this week has been a real tough one for me.

It seems as though all I want to do is purge. *Don't worry - I don't though. 

Every time something stressful happens, or I get home from a a long day at work, or I settle in for the night to watch some TV or read a book, I have this uncontrollable urge to eat my face off. I'm not even joking: the thoughts that go through my head are the following:

"Maybe I should order a large pizza"

"I could go to the grocery store and buy a super-size bag of cheesies"

"I could get a brie wheel and a box of crackers and just go to town"

These ideas pop into my head and I have to tell myself, "Go ahead, do it, and by the end of this year you'll be back up to 233 pounds" and then I sit and sulk because I cannot binge myself into a food coma.

Why the hell do I think like this? Why is my first instinct always, "a gross amount of food will make me feel better"

I am slowly re-training my brain and reminding myself that food will not make me feel better, and in fact, it will make everything worse!

This week, in particular has been a rough one. But I am happy to report that I'm sticking to it, and not falling victim to the urge to binge!

Exciting Math!

Yesterday, I did some math. I wanted to estimate, if I were to stay on the path that i'm on - when could I theoretically reach my goal weight and short-term-wise when would I be able to bust back into the 160's?

So, I did some subtracting alongside my calendar:

And if I play my cards right, follow the plan and exercise as much as I can - I can be into the 160 lbs by July!

BY JULY!

This made me super excited! What's more, if I stick to the plan, I can reach my goal weight by Christmas! I have NEVER weighted less than 150 lbs in my adult life, so this would really be the ultimate gift I could give myself. 

Math has never made me this excited before! I love it!

When All Else is Uncertain...

When my dad got sick last summer - I learned that he is not invincible. Oddly enough, I learned that he internalizes his stress and that takes a toll on your body.

I am, almost exactly a replica of my dad - except, I am female.

On Sunday night, I could hardly sleep, my brain was running on overdrive: thinking about the chaos that's going on at work, the Master's degree i'm about to start in September and life in general: where I am and where I wanted to be by the time I was 28, which I now am. I'm watching friends get married, have and raise children, buy houses... and i'm not doing any of that, mostly because I don't know if I want those things.

While I do have high expectations for myself, I feel like I am almost at a mid-life crisis... what should be my focus in life? I don't know. What do I want out of my life? I don't know. This feeling of unknowing is really annoying me and, for the first time in my life, I feel quite lost. This is a huge source of stress for me at the moment.

What I do know, is that losing weight and gaining health can do nothing but good for me. Last time I lost a lot of weight in 2010, I really found myself and that put all sorts of great things into motion for me. While I know that losing weight won't yield greatness in life - that is ultimately up to me, I don't think this path I'm on can do much harm.

So, while being early in the game, I'm putting trust in the fact that only good can come of all this: tracking my food, getting as much exercise in as possible... it will all amount to something in the end...

Party Nights = Not so Healthy Choices!

Well, I sensed that it would happen last night and it did. Is it even possible to go out drinking with friends and not eat the chicken wings, potato chips and various other delicious but terrible-for-you foods on the table?

I even told my friends that I am watching my weight and that I was avoiding certain foods, trying to be accountable for my actions. But that still didn't work! I was sneaking a potato chip here and a chicken nugget there... and a piece of cheese here and oh, is that sour cream?

So, last night, while not completely train de-railing, was not my best. I have to learn how to control myself in late night, drinking with friends situations. It is the one situations that I can never fully gain control over. 

However, i'm not letting my wild partying get the better of me. Today, I am back on track - tracking everything i'm eating and am opting for healthier choices (I just finished a small bowl of grapes). I may even get some activity in!

Replacing Old Habits with Better Ones

Yesterday was difficult. Usually, on a friday night, if i'm not going out with friends and doing something exciting, I like to crawl into bed and watch a movie with a large glass of red wine and maybe a snack, like some popcorn, pop chips, or cheeses. Yesterday, I couldn't do that because I used a lot of my points on a yummy salad dressing for lunch, and was left with minimal points for dinner and late night snacks.

So, I scoured the fridge for something else that would satisfy me while I watched a movie and bed and came up with these little guys:

Although grapes aren't as great as red wine, they seemed to keep my hunger and need for snacking at bay. It's pretty funny that I replaced red wine with it's main ingredient!  So, yesterdays damage was minimal. 

Tonight, however, I'm going out - downtown with all my friends. I'm planning on only drinking two glasses of wine and having a salad for dinner but the pressure will be on for sure. 

Stress and the Power of Cardio

Today was a hugely stressful day for me at work - I came home and I was beyond grumpy and tired and would have loved to eat my stress into a food coma... but I didn't.

Want to know what I did instead?

I went to Costco and bought a TON of fruits and veggies (my fridge is stuffed with loads of ONLY healthy choices) and then I went to the gym and did a full hour on the elliptical.

In the midst of chaos, I made the right choice(s). I think this lifestyle change is working. I'm feeling good about where I'm at and am hoping I can keep this up!

Focusing on the Bad Vs. Focusing on the Good

Today, I had a bit more success on the exercise front - I managed to squeeze in an hour walk on my lunch hour, which was not bad - remember folks, all activity is good!

However, today, thinking about where I am weight-wise, I have to say that I am feeling a bit discouraged. 196 lbs! I have to try really hard not to get mad at myself. It wasn't that long ago that I just broke into the 160's for Christ's sake. When I think about that, my blood just boils.

But, I know that I can't fester in all that guilt and self-hate - that would just be counter productive. The goal here is to lose weight, get healthy and love myself MORE not LESS!

Gotta keep my eyes on the prize and just keep truckin'. I have to remind myself of all the good things, like: it's very likely that i'll reach my weight loss goal this month AND just around the corner is the long lost 180's (oh, how i've missed you...) and with the 180's comes smaller pants sizes, oh, and more confidence.

Focusing on the good stuff can sometimes be hard when you have a long road ahead, but I would much rather have that hard than all that comes with self-hate!

Flipping Exercise :/

I had multiple chances today, and woke up with the best intentions to exercise. But I somehow managed to find excuse after excuse NOT to exercise. Now, it's 10pm and i'm sitting here feeling like a pile of carp.

I am finding it so difficult to get into an exercise routine. I'm still on plan food-wise - but just can't seem to get with the program exercise-wise.

I've got to get a plan of attack here. I need to get back on the exercise wagon.

I need, I need, I need.... Time to start DOING!

Sigh

WI: Down 5 Pounds!

Huzzah! It's a good day today!

I've been on plan for one week now and this morning, when I weighed in - I was down 5 whole pounds!

This always happens for me the first week I'm plan, I do really well... and then it trickles off a bit... I typically lose about 1-3 pounds/ week - but this 5 pounds loss is really inspiring.

In other news, I recently learned that I have to attend a bachelorette party in July - and we're all going to a spa to some kind of thermal bath. Sigh. That is about the last thing I want to do - but it does give me incentive to keep to the plan. I would love to be at about 170 lbs by the time that happens (especially since all the other ladies there are super skinny!)

It's a good start to the week :)

One of These Things is Not Like the Other...

So, every morning, for breakfast, I bring with me two cups of yogurt. I have this every morning at work. I recently discovered iogo yogurt, which now replaces the artificially tasting source yogurt I used to eat.

A couple weeks ago, I was at the grocery store and was in a hurry and bought what I thought was 35 calories/ cup iogo yogurt:

So, all last week I was eating this yogurt every day for breakfast... two cups at a time! Thinking the whole while that it was 35 calories/ cup. On Tuesday I was like, wow, this stuff is super creamy - iogo yogurt is so much better than that old stuff I used to eat.... and gave myself a high five for switching over.

See, this yogurt, doesn't have the nutritional information on each individual cup... just on the box it comes in...

So on Thursday, I ate the last of that probiotic yogurt and then had to get more for breakfast on Friday morning. I went to the grocery store and discovered that that probiotic yogurt that I loved so much was 100 calories/ cup!! Go figure!!

This is the yogurt I should have bought, and be eating all week, and had been tracking:

Yes, it's not as tasty and creamy as the 100/ calorie cups :( So disappointing. What's worse is that I had to go through my food tracking and adjust every day. That's an additional 6 points / day for Monday through Thursday. 

I initially went into this weekend with 28 weekly points to spare! Now I have 5! That's how great my week  went... first week back "on track"

Sigh. 

Flipping Temptations!

All day today, i've been surrounded by temptations - and am reminded how easy it would be for me to slip back into my old habits... no one will know, Fat Lisa takes over and she's pretty flippin' persuasive...

Last night, my room mate made a plate of nachos with sour cream on the side... Lisa, you want some?... it took all my might, and in the end I only ate one chip... who ever said betcha can't eat just one... well, I did, so suck on that Messier!

The evil plate of delicious nachos:

On the exercise front, I managed to drag myself out for a 45 minute walk on my lunch hour, but then... somehow, on the way to the gym I got distracted... see, Costco is on the way.

And Fat Lisa took hold of the wheel and made me turn into Costco. I am pretty happy that I managed to hold myself back from buying crap, like "low fat" and "healthy" granola bars...

...and redirected myself to the fruits and veggies section of the store.

I may not have gone to the gym tonight - but I didn't buy a bunch of crap.

Exhibit A:
Bag O'Oranges:

Choices

Today, I was reminded of how important choices are in the whole weight loss process. Pretty much every decision you make when you're trying to lose weight matters.

My eating today was pretty stellar, I brought a bunch of fruits and veggies with me to snack on during the day - but no lunch (I had a lunch meeting.) When my co-workers decided to go for lunch at a place famous for grilled cheese, I wasn't too happy and almost caved in and got myself a large, buttery grilled cheese sandwich (my mouth is watering as I write this). BUT luckily for me, they were still serving breakfast, so managed to convince myself to order an egg, spinach and swiss sandwich, and only ate one of the pieces of bread - go me!

IF I could move (seriously folks, I can't extend my arms from that 30 day shred I did two days ago!) I would go for a walk, or do some activity - but honestly, i'm just in too much pain! This is ridiculous! I do, however, have a plan to go for a one hour walk tomorrow on my lunch hour AND go to the gym in the evening, so I figure i'll more than make up for today's activity-less-ness. Ya.

Choices are what it's all about. And as I get back into the weight loss routine, I have to continually ask myself, "will this help me with my weight loss goal?" It's hard, but once I ask myself this question enough, it will eventually be entrenched in my brain and i'll just automatically start making healthy choices. Until then...

This getting-back-on-the-wagon thing is hard!

Back on the Wagon - 30 Day Shred

Yesterday, I did one full day (the first day) back on plan and am feeling pretty great about myself now. I feel like I am back on track, but won’t celebrate until the first week is up. Usually, once I get past the first week, I can sail through, month to month. 

I am officially back on the wagon – eating fruits and veggies (pictured are my snacks for the day), yogurt for breakfast and tonight a healthy veggie stir fry with rice for dinner.

(My boobs are huge in this photo! I totally can't wait for them to disappear as I lose the weight!)

When I got home from work yesterday, I had initially planned on going to a couple yoga classes. However, the commute home was so horrible (ended up taking me 2.5 hours to get home) that I couldn’t do anything. Finally, after watching a few TV shows, I decided that I needed to do something activity-wise (I did go for a walk at work on my lunch break, but that really doesn’t cut it for activity for me) – so I went to my old pile of DVD’s and dusted off the 30 Day Shred. I unwrapped it and put the disc into my computer.

“20 minutes? That's it?” I thought, “Are they serious?”

Well, five minutes in, I was sweating like a muther and by minute 15, I could barely do the exercises (ehh hem, Level 1) and by the end of it, not only was I a sweaty mess, I could barely move!

20 minutes! Seriously!? This DVD is no joke!

I was thinking that I would do this DVD every day for the next 30 days, but I can barely move today, so I don’t know if I can do it everyday!

Sigh – first day back on the wagon is a little disheartening. Today will be better though. If I can coax myself into doing the 30 DS again tonight, I will – but other than that, I have plans to go jogging when I get home from work today. 

I’m Baaaackkkk!

If you don’t remember me – my name is Lisa, I blogged everyday while I was losing weight in 2010 and was successful in losing 65 pounds (on weight watchers and exercising regularly.)

When 2011 arrived, a few of my friends had discovered my blog and I wasn’t keen on them reading it, so I shut it all down. Which is pretty disappointing, because I loved blogging here and it really helped me be accountable for what I ate and how much I exercised.

I spent all of 2011 pretty much just doing yoga and not really tracking what I ate… I managed to hover around 185 pounds or so and was pretty happy with myself.

When 2012 hit, I was sitting more or less between 180 – 190 lbs. I went on and off the weight watchers wagon, but didn’t really concern myself with what was going on. I resolved that 2013 would be different – that I would get my act together and finally lose the pounds – get to my goal weight of 130 lbs and be done with this losing weight business.

That didn’t happen.

2013 arrived – and I didn’t. I went into full blown binge mode. Now, this morning, I weighted in at 201 lbs. A few years ago, I vowed to never see 200 on the scale again. Sigh.

So this is me: recommitting to weight watchers, exercising daily and blogging every day to keep accountable for my actions AND not quit until I reach that facking goal weight of 130 lbs.

I kept telling myself that I would recommit on Feb 1, then it was March 1^st, then April 1^st. Finally, I realized that it doesn’t have to be on the first of the month (although, that would have been nice and would have satisfied my OCD) – I’m ready now. April 8^th.

Here we go – a journey to 130 lbs.