The Sweat/ Pride Post-Workout Glow

Here we are... day 5 and I am rocking June. Just finished working up a sweat with day 4 of the 30 Day Shred. almost skipped it this evening (tired) - but it's tough to make excuses to not do a 20 minute video in your home. 

So I did it - I pushed myself and I seriously sweat my arse off and now I have that nice post-workout glow. Perhaps it's the sweat, or perhaps it's pride. It's hard to tell the difference!

What Do Your Home Weights Look Like?

Mine look like this:

See, I only have 8-pounders at home, and I learned my lesson the first time I did the 30 Day Shred - 8 pounds is just too much for some of the exercises. These "home-made" weights are more like 2-pounds. 

Gotta work with what you have! Also - today was day 3 of 3 of the 30 Day Shred! Loving this!

The June Experiment

I considered yesterday to be the first real day of June, since it was a Monday - the start of a fresh new week.

I'm actually quite surprised that I stuck to my exercise AND food plan yesterday! What's motivating me right now is that I am really interested in seeing if my body changes after doing the 30 Day Shred for a full month. I'm pretty much putting all my eggs in the 30 D.S. basket at this point (and Weight Watchers, since I'm tracking my food too).

If I can keep this up all month - June will be almost like an experiment to see if the 30 Day Shred really works. Of course, I'm hoping to God that it does!

June Goals!

For this month, i've decided to keep my goals short and sweet:


June Goals:

1.) 13 runs: 1/13

2.) 24 X 30 Day Shred Workouts: 1/24

3.) Be at 180lbs by the end of the Month! -Currently at 194lbs

Reward for completing all tasks: Pedicure!

AND - i'm going to try and not weigh myself at all this month... here we go!

May Recap!

Well... June has arrived and what have I done? I gained weight! That's right! I went camping last weekend, partied a little too hard, and now - i'm back up to 194 lbs!

Boo me!

Here's a recap pf my May goals:

"Positive May" Goals:

1.) Do 5 Hours of Yoga: 0/5

2.) 6 X 30 Day Shred Workouts: 6/6 - Yay! Finally reached a goal!

3.) 20 Hours of Cardio Activity: 12.25/20

4.) Stay On Plan 30 Days: 11/30

5.) Be at 180lbs by the end of the Month! -Currently at 191lbs

Reward for completing all tasks: Much Needed Haircut!

Lame!

However, it's a new month now, and I have a feeling June is going to be a goody! Plus - I got a haircut and no longer feel like a shaggy dog!

Faaaaa

Grrr... So angry at myself. Totally went off plan AGAIN this weekend. I must not really want to get into the 180's or something.

Of course, with the copious amount of food I ate this weekend - when I weighed in this morning, I was at 191 again.

I need to get this under control, or i'll be at 190/191 forever.

Choices, choices, choices

These last few days have been super busy, and even though I did go over my daily points allowance and didn't exercise as much as I would have liked - I DID manage to make the best possible choices in the situation I was in.

When I had to order room service, I ordered a tofu stir fry for dinner and an egg white omelette for breakfast. Even though I didn't get to the gym last night, I did manage to squeeze a 45 minute walk in on my lunch hour.

So, even though i'm in the red - I am calling this week an overall success - I could have easily ordered a steak or burger and could have sat at my desk on my lunch hour. By just making these choices, I'm winning.

Hopefully the scale will agree on Monday and will show me a number in the 180's!

Kicking Arse at the 30 Day Shred

Well, well, well... look who's finally jumped onto the 30 Day Shred bandwagon and is LOVING IT!?

The first time I did this 20 minute workout, I nearly died and was in mad pain for two days afterwards, and now... surprisingly, I am actually starting to like it. Even though my muscles shake for a little while after I finish, I no longer wake up in severe pain the next day and I actually am almost able to do the full workout. 

Don't get me wrong, I DO the workout, I just can't do the full 30 seconds or so of pushups and have to take a quick break here and there to catch my breath. 

20 Minutes is so much more manageable than an hour at the gym! AND - I can do it in my house - super bonus!

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL FOLKS, every time I do it, I can do a little bit more and what's even better - I can actually feel my body getting stronger. If I was one for taking measurements, I would... I think next month, I am going to do the 30 Day Shred everyday for 30 days and will take before and after pictures. 

I'm so glad I forced myself off the couch tonight and just did it. 

I fracking rock!

(also, even though it sounds like I was - I was not paid to write this by anyone ;)

Up a Pound :(

What a terrible week. I tracked maybe 2/7 days this last week - and it showed on the scale this morning - UP ONE POUND!

Fricking terrible!

I'm going to spend about an hour being mad at myself after I finish this blog post, then I'm going to get over it and get back to tracking what I eat and exercising like a beast.

The good news here is that I am still down 10 lbs from when I stated just over a month ago, and that's nothing to sneeze at. I'm going to focus on that as my motivation this week (keeping with "positive May") and I'm going to work hard to see the 180's on the scale next week.

The only thing is that I HAVE to stay on plan. If I stay on plan, i'll bust into those 180's and if I don't then I won't. So, it's up to me and ONLY me to do this (ahem, do you hear that future self!?)

Wagon Jumping

Well here it is:

I haven't tracked what i've been eating since Wednesday. I just fell off the wagon (eating-wise) and I stayed there!

In addition to not counting what I've been eating, I've been eating foods that I know are high in fat, and portions that are so large that i'm sure that would equal more than triple the amount of daily points that i'm allowed.

Sigh.

On the flip side to that, I've been active this whole time i've been off the food-counting wagon, which is good. When I peeked at the scale this morning, 191 was looking me in the face and then it dawned on me:

I'm doing this for a reason, a very good reason. I have goals and I WANT to accomplish them.

Fack.

Urge to Binge... Again

Yesterday was my "recovery day" - meaning that I worked out hard on Monday, so I took yesterday to give my body a break. As soon as I finished dinner - I had this almost uncontrollable urge to binge. So, from 7-8 last night, I fought with myself about weather I should run up to the grocery store and buy a bag of "healthy cheesies" to go to town on.

(Un)fortunately, I ended up being too lazy to go all the way to the grocery store (I live five minutes away) and settled for a tomato and avacado sandwich. I guess you could call that a non-scale victory - but I still managed to eat 50 points of food yesterday, which, ain't so good.

But, it could have been worse.

Why do I always get these ridiculous urges to binge! They need to fack off!

Starting the Week Strong

Since Monday is the day after my weigh in - it is the start of a fresh new week for me.

On my way home from work yesterday, I was humming and hawing over what I should do exercise-wise last night. There are two yoga classes that my rec centre runs on Monday nights and I thought that would be a great way to get 2 of the 5 yoga classes in (I need to do 5 classes this month).

But alas, at the last minute, I changed my mind and ended up doing BOTH the 30 Day Shread AND the C25K!

After the video and run, I felt like a million bucks! A month ago, the 30 Day Shead left me crippled for a week and now, not only can I do the Shead, I can go out and kill the C25K right after (in the rain, might I add) - i'm getting fitter and fitter each week!

Weigh In Day / Staying the Same

When I woke up this morning - I layed in bed for a good hour before I was able to move myself to the scale to see if I had done any damage to myself this weekend. As I layed there, I was trying to determine if I felt heavy, or light... just to prepare myself for what was to come.

When I finally got to the scale - the needle stopped at 190.

I was both relived and disappointed at the same time. Relieved that I didn't do any damage and disappointed that I had put in all this time and energy at the beginning of the week - and now it's pretty much a wasted effort. I was also really disappointed because I really wanted to bust into those 180's. And now, I'll have to wait another week before I can hit that milestone.

Rome wasn't built in a day. Unfortunately!

Weekend Terribleness

During my commute home on Friday, I mapped out a plan on how to stay on plan and be completely active all weekend. And then I got home and completely fell off the wagon... hard.

After dinner, I just kept eating and eating and eating until I had stomach pains of death, then, I threw up and fell asleep at about 9:00pm.

Saturday morning, I resolved to get back on plan - just because you have a bad day, doesn't mean that you have to throw the whole weekend away, right? So, I procrastinated all morning and then finally coaxed myself into going for a jog - and I did my best jog yet - week 4, day 1 of the C2 10K program. I ended up jogging for a total of 22 minutes and never felt better.

When I got home from the jog - being Saturday night and all - I went a little overboard on the booze and somehow, that turned into a late night stop at McDonalds (McChicken and fries).

Now, Sunday morning - tomorrow is weigh-in day and not only do I feel like garbage (from the booze and McDicks) but I am worrying about what the scale will say tomorrow morning. I so badly want to be in the 180's, but after this train-wreck of a weekend - my hopes and dreams are looking pretty bleak. Right now, I'm trying not to stew in self-hate and am trying to put all this behind me and move on into a more healthier frame of mind!

Bathing Suit Reminders...

I had big plans to go to the gym and sweat my arse off yesterday - but instead I found myself wandering around Costco.

When I got home from work yesterday, there was a reminder waiting for me at home that i've committed to attend a party that requires me to wear a bathing suit in late July - I suddenly got really down in the dumps and felt like hiding under my bed after this reminder. And from there, things just went downhill as I freaked out about what i'm going to look like in a bathing suit and weather i'll be at a decent weight by then.

Sigh. 

I peeked at the scale this morning too - I might just make it into the 180's on my next weigh in (Monday). Right now, I am completely out of weekly points and so only have my daily and activity points to go on. I tend to eat more on the weekends - so we'll see how this works out for me. Seeing 18X on the scale on Monday would feel really good - I could really use a pick-me-up right now.

I do have every intention in the world to go for a jog today after work - or / and do the 30 Day Shread. I really want to reach my goals this month and i'm doing everything in my power to achieve them.

Running

It's so weird that last weekend, I had the urge to run and I just went out and ran. 

As I posted in a former post, I haven't really ran since 2011. Last night, I strapped my runners on again and went out for a 30 minute jog. What? Yes! Me, a 30 minute jog. I am, however, really trying to not over-do it - I don't want an injury to prevent me from going forward. Last night, I did week 3, day 2 of the C25K program. I ended up running for 10 minutes and walking 20 minutes (intervals.) I have to admit that I am shocked I was able to just jump right back into running. When I started running in 2011, I couldn't run more than 30 seconds at a time. By the end of the year, I was able to run without stopping for 30 minutes straight, and eventually ran a 1/2 marathon!

Yesterday's run made me feel fit, capable, healthy and strong. I was impressed with myself and am inspired to keep with the running routine. From here on out, I'm going to make a serious effort to run 3-4 times a week. I really have no excuses now that summer has arrived. I can't even tell you how excited I am for the 1/2 marathon in October. I registered and paid yesterday, so there's no going back now!

Tonight, I'm off to the gym to log another hour of cardio and will be picking up a ton of veggies at Costco to set me up for success this weekend. 

Things I Hate About Being Obese

I know I said that this month was going to be "positive May" - but I need to get this negativity out of my head, and this is the only place I can think of putting it.

Top five things I hate about being "obese":

1.) Blouses don't fit me - my chest is too big for all button down blouses. I love blouses and wish I could wear them to work.

2.) When I get a box of chocolates as a gift at work my mom will say something like, "that's too bad - the last thing you need is a box of chocolates"

3.) When I go shopping and find something I like, I have to dig to the bottom of the pile (or back of the rack) to find the XL. I dig so quickly because I am embarrassed.

4.) It's expensive - I own a wardrobe of clothes that range from medium to XXL. It takes up a lot of space and all my favourite clothes never seem to fit me.

5.) The way I look in a bathing suit and my fear of the summer months (were I can't wear lots of clothes to cover my body.)

Sigh - now that that's out of my system, I can move on with my day in a more positive light.

Half-Marathon in October?

For those who don't know, back in October 2011 I ran a half-marathon and I did it in 3 hours.

Last Sunday, after a successful jog for the first time in... a long time, I put my running shoes on and went for a jog. I felt so great while I was jogging (I somehow completely forgot about the "runner's high") and the next day - no pain!

So, of course, coming off an excellent jog last weekend, I've decided that I am going to run the half-marathon coming up this October AGAIN - and this time around, i'll be doing it in under 3 hours. At least, that's the goal.

I'm super excited about doing the half-marathon and cannot wait to get back into a regular running training schedule.

This is going to be super fun - i'm so excited!

Down Another 2lbs!

Yay!

Even though I went a little nuts on the food last night... and had one too many melted cheese on toasts....

I'm still down 2lbs today and am very happy about it!

... Soooo close to seeing those 180's on the scale again. It will feel so great to bust into them! Next week... next week...

May the 4th Be with Me

Four days into May and so far, I'm doing well. I had a nice long sleep last night - woke up this morning and *almost* had melted reduced fat cheese on toast for breakfast, but then changed my mind when I saw the portobello mushrooms in the fridge and made myself some melted cheese on mushrooms with a little greek yogurt on top.

They weren't as tasty as I thought they would be - maybe they needed a little salsa? Maybe a poached egg on top? Something...

Then, I managed to fit in a 1.5 hour walk around my lovely city. It was such a beautiful day in Vancouver today - I even wore my sun glasses and no sweater! It's like summer has arrived.

Then I got home and I was lazing around. I impulsively decided to give the 30 Day Shread another go. In case you don't remember, for the first time ever, I gave the 30 Day Shread (which is only 20 minutes) a try last month and not only did I almost die, I could barely move for days afterwards! It was shameful!

After doing this monster video (on facking level one) again today, my whole body was shaking for a good hour afterwards, so I took a shower and am now praying that I am able to move when I wake up tomorrow.

While I was doing the video with my 8 pound weights, I realized - hey, this is what 8 pounds feels like.
I lifted the weight over and over agin trying to imagine caring that weight around with me everywhere I go - I lost 9 lbs last month - one pound more than that weight! It's hard to feel the different that a mere nine pounds makes on your body. Feeling that 8 pound weight - I'm more determined now to lose another 8 pounds, and another, and another, until i'm finally at a healthy weight!

Monthly Goal Rewards

So, after not achieving the monthly goals I set for myself last month (I didn't take it very seriously because I didn't really start until April 8th or so), I decided that I would "punish" myself by not allowing myself to get the reward I set for myself: a much needed hair cut.

I'm using this hair cut as a serious incentive this month to actually take my monthly goals seriously. I haven't cut my hair in about 5 months and it's pretty raggidy-looking:

Plus, my hair is super long and it's just being a pain in my arse.

So, here's the deal I've made to myself: complete all your monthly goals and you can cut your hair - don't complete your goals, and you'll have to endure another month of ugly hair.

It's like i'm holding myself hostage. But, you gotta do what you gotta do!

Doing OK

May is off to a great start.

Yesterday I went to grab a sushi roll for myself for lunch, and after I opened the container I noticed that it had some sort of mystery meat in it :( I always order avacado rolls, so this was disappointing. I ended up throwing it away and opting for a 7-point meal replacement bar instead. I didn't let it get me down, I just put on my big-girl pants and moved on. Food is not everything.

Today, I caved a little bit - I went to a conference, that included a nicely catered lunch and, while I tried to restrain myself, I did indulge a little bit. But for the most part, I made smart choices and, even though I am over my daily points allowance for the day, I'm pretty proud of myself.

I've got my first visit to the gym of the month planned for tonight, which I am looking forward to - especially because I am starting to notice that my size 14 pants are too baggy for me and that I am looking smaller. I love that I can notice the difference! What's more, a peek at the scale this morning is making my upcoming weigh in promising!

"Positive May"

These last few months, for some reason have been depressing ones for me. I don't know why, but i've been seriously down in the dumps since February. I'm depressed and I honestly have noting to be depressed about.

This morning, however, I woke up in different spirits. I almost didn't recognize the feeling (it's been so long), but I woke up in a positive mood and super excited to start a new month in a better, more positive mood. So that's what I'm doing. I'm calling May "Positive May"because i'm putting my pity party to bed and will aim to be nothing but grateful for all that I have.

That being said, my new monthly goals are:

"Positive May" Goals:

1.) Do 5 Hours of Yoga

2.) 6X 30 Day Shread

3.) 20 Hours of Cardio Activity

4.) Stay On Plan 30 Days

5.) Be at 180lbs by the end of the Month!

I cannot even express how happy being back in the 180's would feel for me. I was thinking this morning that, sticking to my plan, I could be the lowest weight of my adult life by the September rolls around, which would virtually mean a new me for the start of all the great things I am about to embark on in September...

I've got nothing but positive thoughts today and am going to try and hold onto that positivity for as long as possible!

Happy "Positive May"!

April 2013 Recap

Since I re-committed 1/3 of the way through April, I'll be the first to admit that I:

1.) Didn't set very realistic monthly goals for myself,

2.) Didn't take my goals very seriously because I didn't set realistic goals.

... I can confirm that the May goals I'm working on right now are 1000X more appropriate.

Here's what I set out to accomplish in the month of April:

1.) Get under 190 lbs: Currently at 192 lbs
2.) Log 30 hours of activity: 17/30
3.) Log 15 hours of Cardio: 17/15

Reward for completing all tasks: Much Needed Haircut!

So, as you can see, while, I was 2 lbs away from meeting my weight goal (the most important goal of all), I still did manage to lose 9 lbs this month, which ain't anything to complain about.

I also managed to squeeze in 17 hours of cardio activity. Unfortunately, most of those hours were walks, but I'm not going to complain about that - activity is activity.

So that's it! April is over (thank God) - and I'm excited to put April in the past and move onto May.

I'm calling May, "Positive May" - I'm going to be positive!

CHEATER!

Wow, Sunday was horrific!

After using all my daily and weekly points on Saturday night (ahem, and after the cheesie situation), I went nuts on Sunday. I even ended the day with an order from the indian restaurant down the street that included butter chicken.

Sigh.

But don't worry - I paid for it. I woke up on Monday morning with stomach pains of death and had to leave work at about 2pm because I was in so much pain.

What's worse is that Monday is my weigh in day. I couldn't weigh in - I was so bloated and felt so disgusting - I knew from the moment I woke up that yesterday was going to be a write off... and it was.

So I didn't weigh in yesterday - and instead, I vowed to weigh-in today. And, surprisingly, i'm down one pound (even after the terrible weekend I had).

I have to admit, I feel like a cheater, weighing in the day AFTER my weigh in day. But, I'm reminding myself that I am human, I make mistakes and this is just me reacting to them. Hey, at least I'm down and not up right?

Facking Cheesies!

This weekend was off to a really great start! I was on track all week, I fought through all my urges and was ready to have a nice, relaxing weekend. 

Yesterday, I went down to the States to pick up some healthy foods (namely yogurt) and fought all my urges to buy crap, despite how cheap everything is. 

The only thing that I could not resist buying for myself was a bag of "healthy" cheesies. I thought that I would be able to control myself and only have 33 cheesies at a time (a "portion"). But guess what - that's a lie. 

So last night, After two glasses of wine, I was feeling pretty good and decided to go off plan for the rest of the weekend. 

And so, you know what I did? I ate the whole bag of cheesies. 

This morning, with a clearer head, I woke up super disappointed with myself. I just want to throw my hands in the air and say, "fack it."

Sigh. 

I keep reminding myself that tomorrow is the start of a new week and am praying that despite my crappy night last night I still end up losing on the scale tomorrow morning. It's so hard to keep the end goal in sight when you've got a bag of cheesies calling your name from the pantry. 

I guess the lesson here is that I can't even have cheesies in the cupboard. 

Do you Ever inspire Yourself?

I finally had the opportunity to re-read some stuff from the olden' days on my blog, and holy cow am I ever inspired! That's the great thing about keeping a blog about your weightloss - if you keep pictures, you can actually see the difference in your body and holy cow is that ever inspiring. 

After looking at this post in particular - i've never been so motivated to get "back to where I was." 

Get ready weekend, i'm comin' for ya!

The Urge to Binge!

For some reason, this week has been a real tough one for me.

It seems as though all I want to do is purge. *Don't worry - I don't though. 

Every time something stressful happens, or I get home from a a long day at work, or I settle in for the night to watch some TV or read a book, I have this uncontrollable urge to eat my face off. I'm not even joking: the thoughts that go through my head are the following:

"Maybe I should order a large pizza"

"I could go to the grocery store and buy a super-size bag of cheesies"

"I could get a brie wheel and a box of crackers and just go to town"

These ideas pop into my head and I have to tell myself, "Go ahead, do it, and by the end of this year you'll be back up to 233 pounds" and then I sit and sulk because I cannot binge myself into a food coma.

Why the hell do I think like this? Why is my first instinct always, "a gross amount of food will make me feel better"

I am slowly re-training my brain and reminding myself that food will not make me feel better, and in fact, it will make everything worse!

This week, in particular has been a rough one. But I am happy to report that I'm sticking to it, and not falling victim to the urge to binge!

Exciting Math!

Yesterday, I did some math. I wanted to estimate, if I were to stay on the path that i'm on - when could I theoretically reach my goal weight and short-term-wise when would I be able to bust back into the 160's?

So, I did some subtracting alongside my calendar:

And if I play my cards right, follow the plan and exercise as much as I can - I can be into the 160 lbs by July!

BY JULY!

This made me super excited! What's more, if I stick to the plan, I can reach my goal weight by Christmas! I have NEVER weighted less than 150 lbs in my adult life, so this would really be the ultimate gift I could give myself. 

Math has never made me this excited before! I love it!

When All Else is Uncertain...

When my dad got sick last summer - I learned that he is not invincible. Oddly enough, I learned that he internalizes his stress and that takes a toll on your body.

I am, almost exactly a replica of my dad - except, I am female.

On Sunday night, I could hardly sleep, my brain was running on overdrive: thinking about the chaos that's going on at work, the Master's degree i'm about to start in September and life in general: where I am and where I wanted to be by the time I was 28, which I now am. I'm watching friends get married, have and raise children, buy houses... and i'm not doing any of that, mostly because I don't know if I want those things.

While I do have high expectations for myself, I feel like I am almost at a mid-life crisis... what should be my focus in life? I don't know. What do I want out of my life? I don't know. This feeling of unknowing is really annoying me and, for the first time in my life, I feel quite lost. This is a huge source of stress for me at the moment.

What I do know, is that losing weight and gaining health can do nothing but good for me. Last time I lost a lot of weight in 2010, I really found myself and that put all sorts of great things into motion for me. While I know that losing weight won't yield greatness in life - that is ultimately up to me, I don't think this path I'm on can do much harm.

So, while being early in the game, I'm putting trust in the fact that only good can come of all this: tracking my food, getting as much exercise in as possible... it will all amount to something in the end...

Party Nights = Not so Healthy Choices!

Well, I sensed that it would happen last night and it did. Is it even possible to go out drinking with friends and not eat the chicken wings, potato chips and various other delicious but terrible-for-you foods on the table?

I even told my friends that I am watching my weight and that I was avoiding certain foods, trying to be accountable for my actions. But that still didn't work! I was sneaking a potato chip here and a chicken nugget there... and a piece of cheese here and oh, is that sour cream?

So, last night, while not completely train de-railing, was not my best. I have to learn how to control myself in late night, drinking with friends situations. It is the one situations that I can never fully gain control over. 

However, i'm not letting my wild partying get the better of me. Today, I am back on track - tracking everything i'm eating and am opting for healthier choices (I just finished a small bowl of grapes). I may even get some activity in!

Replacing Old Habits with Better Ones

Yesterday was difficult. Usually, on a friday night, if i'm not going out with friends and doing something exciting, I like to crawl into bed and watch a movie with a large glass of red wine and maybe a snack, like some popcorn, pop chips, or cheeses. Yesterday, I couldn't do that because I used a lot of my points on a yummy salad dressing for lunch, and was left with minimal points for dinner and late night snacks.

So, I scoured the fridge for something else that would satisfy me while I watched a movie and bed and came up with these little guys:

Although grapes aren't as great as red wine, they seemed to keep my hunger and need for snacking at bay. It's pretty funny that I replaced red wine with it's main ingredient!  So, yesterdays damage was minimal. 

Tonight, however, I'm going out - downtown with all my friends. I'm planning on only drinking two glasses of wine and having a salad for dinner but the pressure will be on for sure. 

Stress and the Power of Cardio

Today was a hugely stressful day for me at work - I came home and I was beyond grumpy and tired and would have loved to eat my stress into a food coma... but I didn't.

Want to know what I did instead?

I went to Costco and bought a TON of fruits and veggies (my fridge is stuffed with loads of ONLY healthy choices) and then I went to the gym and did a full hour on the elliptical.

In the midst of chaos, I made the right choice(s). I think this lifestyle change is working. I'm feeling good about where I'm at and am hoping I can keep this up!

Focusing on the Bad Vs. Focusing on the Good

Today, I had a bit more success on the exercise front - I managed to squeeze in an hour walk on my lunch hour, which was not bad - remember folks, all activity is good!

However, today, thinking about where I am weight-wise, I have to say that I am feeling a bit discouraged. 196 lbs! I have to try really hard not to get mad at myself. It wasn't that long ago that I just broke into the 160's for Christ's sake. When I think about that, my blood just boils.

But, I know that I can't fester in all that guilt and self-hate - that would just be counter productive. The goal here is to lose weight, get healthy and love myself MORE not LESS!

Gotta keep my eyes on the prize and just keep truckin'. I have to remind myself of all the good things, like: it's very likely that i'll reach my weight loss goal this month AND just around the corner is the long lost 180's (oh, how i've missed you...) and with the 180's comes smaller pants sizes, oh, and more confidence.

Focusing on the good stuff can sometimes be hard when you have a long road ahead, but I would much rather have that hard than all that comes with self-hate!

Flipping Exercise :/

I had multiple chances today, and woke up with the best intentions to exercise. But I somehow managed to find excuse after excuse NOT to exercise. Now, it's 10pm and i'm sitting here feeling like a pile of carp.

I am finding it so difficult to get into an exercise routine. I'm still on plan food-wise - but just can't seem to get with the program exercise-wise.

I've got to get a plan of attack here. I need to get back on the exercise wagon.

I need, I need, I need.... Time to start DOING!

Sigh

WI: Down 5 Pounds!

Huzzah! It's a good day today!

I've been on plan for one week now and this morning, when I weighed in - I was down 5 whole pounds!

This always happens for me the first week I'm plan, I do really well... and then it trickles off a bit... I typically lose about 1-3 pounds/ week - but this 5 pounds loss is really inspiring.

In other news, I recently learned that I have to attend a bachelorette party in July - and we're all going to a spa to some kind of thermal bath. Sigh. That is about the last thing I want to do - but it does give me incentive to keep to the plan. I would love to be at about 170 lbs by the time that happens (especially since all the other ladies there are super skinny!)

It's a good start to the week :)

One of These Things is Not Like the Other...

So, every morning, for breakfast, I bring with me two cups of yogurt. I have this every morning at work. I recently discovered iogo yogurt, which now replaces the artificially tasting source yogurt I used to eat.

A couple weeks ago, I was at the grocery store and was in a hurry and bought what I thought was 35 calories/ cup iogo yogurt:

So, all last week I was eating this yogurt every day for breakfast... two cups at a time! Thinking the whole while that it was 35 calories/ cup. On Tuesday I was like, wow, this stuff is super creamy - iogo yogurt is so much better than that old stuff I used to eat.... and gave myself a high five for switching over.

See, this yogurt, doesn't have the nutritional information on each individual cup... just on the box it comes in...

So on Thursday, I ate the last of that probiotic yogurt and then had to get more for breakfast on Friday morning. I went to the grocery store and discovered that that probiotic yogurt that I loved so much was 100 calories/ cup!! Go figure!!

This is the yogurt I should have bought, and be eating all week, and had been tracking:

Yes, it's not as tasty and creamy as the 100/ calorie cups :( So disappointing. What's worse is that I had to go through my food tracking and adjust every day. That's an additional 6 points / day for Monday through Thursday. 

I initially went into this weekend with 28 weekly points to spare! Now I have 5! That's how great my week  went... first week back "on track"

Sigh. 

Flipping Temptations!

All day today, i've been surrounded by temptations - and am reminded how easy it would be for me to slip back into my old habits... no one will know, Fat Lisa takes over and she's pretty flippin' persuasive...

Last night, my room mate made a plate of nachos with sour cream on the side... Lisa, you want some?... it took all my might, and in the end I only ate one chip... who ever said betcha can't eat just one... well, I did, so suck on that Messier!

The evil plate of delicious nachos:

On the exercise front, I managed to drag myself out for a 45 minute walk on my lunch hour, but then... somehow, on the way to the gym I got distracted... see, Costco is on the way.

And Fat Lisa took hold of the wheel and made me turn into Costco. I am pretty happy that I managed to hold myself back from buying crap, like "low fat" and "healthy" granola bars...

...and redirected myself to the fruits and veggies section of the store.

I may not have gone to the gym tonight - but I didn't buy a bunch of crap.

Exhibit A:
Bag O'Oranges:

Choices

Today, I was reminded of how important choices are in the whole weight loss process. Pretty much every decision you make when you're trying to lose weight matters.

My eating today was pretty stellar, I brought a bunch of fruits and veggies with me to snack on during the day - but no lunch (I had a lunch meeting.) When my co-workers decided to go for lunch at a place famous for grilled cheese, I wasn't too happy and almost caved in and got myself a large, buttery grilled cheese sandwich (my mouth is watering as I write this). BUT luckily for me, they were still serving breakfast, so managed to convince myself to order an egg, spinach and swiss sandwich, and only ate one of the pieces of bread - go me!

IF I could move (seriously folks, I can't extend my arms from that 30 day shred I did two days ago!) I would go for a walk, or do some activity - but honestly, i'm just in too much pain! This is ridiculous! I do, however, have a plan to go for a one hour walk tomorrow on my lunch hour AND go to the gym in the evening, so I figure i'll more than make up for today's activity-less-ness. Ya.

Choices are what it's all about. And as I get back into the weight loss routine, I have to continually ask myself, "will this help me with my weight loss goal?" It's hard, but once I ask myself this question enough, it will eventually be entrenched in my brain and i'll just automatically start making healthy choices. Until then...

This getting-back-on-the-wagon thing is hard!

Back on the Wagon - 30 Day Shred

Yesterday, I did one full day (the first day) back on plan and am feeling pretty great about myself now. I feel like I am back on track, but won’t celebrate until the first week is up. Usually, once I get past the first week, I can sail through, month to month. 

I am officially back on the wagon – eating fruits and veggies (pictured are my snacks for the day), yogurt for breakfast and tonight a healthy veggie stir fry with rice for dinner.

(My boobs are huge in this photo! I totally can't wait for them to disappear as I lose the weight!)

When I got home from work yesterday, I had initially planned on going to a couple yoga classes. However, the commute home was so horrible (ended up taking me 2.5 hours to get home) that I couldn’t do anything. Finally, after watching a few TV shows, I decided that I needed to do something activity-wise (I did go for a walk at work on my lunch break, but that really doesn’t cut it for activity for me) – so I went to my old pile of DVD’s and dusted off the 30 Day Shred. I unwrapped it and put the disc into my computer.

“20 minutes? That's it?” I thought, “Are they serious?”

Well, five minutes in, I was sweating like a muther and by minute 15, I could barely do the exercises (ehh hem, Level 1) and by the end of it, not only was I a sweaty mess, I could barely move!

20 minutes! Seriously!? This DVD is no joke!

I was thinking that I would do this DVD every day for the next 30 days, but I can barely move today, so I don’t know if I can do it everyday!

Sigh – first day back on the wagon is a little disheartening. Today will be better though. If I can coax myself into doing the 30 DS again tonight, I will – but other than that, I have plans to go jogging when I get home from work today. 

I’m Baaaackkkk!

If you don’t remember me – my name is Lisa, I blogged everyday while I was losing weight in 2010 and was successful in losing 65 pounds (on weight watchers and exercising regularly.)

When 2011 arrived, a few of my friends had discovered my blog and I wasn’t keen on them reading it, so I shut it all down. Which is pretty disappointing, because I loved blogging here and it really helped me be accountable for what I ate and how much I exercised.

I spent all of 2011 pretty much just doing yoga and not really tracking what I ate… I managed to hover around 185 pounds or so and was pretty happy with myself.

When 2012 hit, I was sitting more or less between 180 – 190 lbs. I went on and off the weight watchers wagon, but didn’t really concern myself with what was going on. I resolved that 2013 would be different – that I would get my act together and finally lose the pounds – get to my goal weight of 130 lbs and be done with this losing weight business.

That didn’t happen.

2013 arrived – and I didn’t. I went into full blown binge mode. Now, this morning, I weighted in at 201 lbs. A few years ago, I vowed to never see 200 on the scale again. Sigh.

So this is me: recommitting to weight watchers, exercising daily and blogging every day to keep accountable for my actions AND not quit until I reach that facking goal weight of 130 lbs.

I kept telling myself that I would recommit on Feb 1, then it was March 1^st, then April 1^st. Finally, I realized that it doesn’t have to be on the first of the month (although, that would have been nice and would have satisfied my OCD) – I’m ready now. April 8^th.

Here we go – a journey to 130 lbs.